I am so proud of my daughter! January 2024 marks her four years of consecutive sobriety! However, she has had lots of sober days in the last six years, and she should definitely count them and be proud of them!
She is currently working for a rehab and mental health facility. She volunteered for almost a year, as a house mom in a recovery home, encouraging others to find their strength and sobriety. She is about to begin working on a certification that will allow her to work with others as a career. She and I are launching our websites and Facebook page "Craving Sobriety," which addresses sobriety but also focuses on mental health and solutions for people in our situation, especially moms and daughters. ❤️ We have a second website coming called "Thirsty 2 Thrive" which focuses on mental health, personal growth, and contentment.
I know many of you are still struggling with your son or daughter. My heart breaks reading the many posts in the Facebook groups I belong to. I remember very clearly what it felt like to be in your place. I pray for you and your families regularly, as I know others have done for me.
I know how it feels to have the father of your child struggle with addiction and later commit suicide; the struggle of being a single mom...to have your daughter diagnosed bipolar but medication hardly ever seems to work...
What it’s like to lie awake in terror when your daughter doesn’t make her curfew or come home at all...whats it like to hate her abusive boyfriend and every other man that has hurt her.
I know the agony when she disappears for days, or weeks and won’t return one of your 500 frantic hysterical texts. How awful it is to commit her to psych wards and rehabs over and over, go through med change after med change, differing diagnosis depending on the physician. The exhaustion of dragging her to doctor after doctor, therapy session after session, and see little improvement.... I know the strain it puts on a marriage, the damage it does to your other kids, the struggles of a blended family...
Sadly, I know how it feels to get that phone call you’ve always dreaded... what it's like to race to the emergency room and they won't let you see your daughter because she's covered in mud and thorns and having seizure after seizure they can't stop. The terror when they say she has a fever of a 107.5 and they've never even heard of that before. The nausea of seeing your daughter on life support day after day, with heat stroke, multiple organ failure, blood clots, sepsis, and pneumonia, her body filled with tubes and covered in bruises and scratches... How sick you feel when they tell you she must have blood transfusion after transfusion or she most certainly will die. Five in total. I know how it feels when the doctors tell you she probably won’t survive, and if she does, she’ll be so severely brain damaged that she won’t be the daughter you once knew...
I know what it is like to sob and pray to God to just take her if she can't live a happy and productive life on this earth, but if she can turn things around and find peace to please save her no matter what...
I also know what it’s like to see something amazing happen before your eyes. For doctor after doctor to say it’s a miracle they can’t explain. To see a perfect brain scan when there shouldn’t be one. To have a doctor tell you she is one of 5 miracles he has seen in 30 years. To hear them say that she must have a purpose on this earth because they have no scientific reason to explain why she is suddenly getting better.
I know the joy of finally taking her home from the hospital. The sheer amazement when she got off dialysis because her kidneys after 6 weeks of failure suddenly start functioning again and are perfect to this day. I know the relief when she doesn't have one single seizure all these years even though they said she might never drive again or might have seizures the rest of her life.
I also know the heartbreak and anger when you see her relapse 4-5 more times after everything we went through, after she got a miracle... feeling so completely hopeless you don't know how you can bear this much pain...
BUT....I also know the relief of seeing her turn everything around and get back on the right track, to witness her finally realize sobriety is the only answer. To recognize that she needs to change her people and places. To behold her making amends, putting herself in therapy...admitting herself to a hospital, going to church and meetings on her own. Seeing her develop a loving relationship with God and get baptized.
I know how it feels to have your heart burst with pride in all her accomplishments. The happiness in watching her help others on their path to sobriety. The satisfaction you feel knowing that all your own personal works and sacrifices are finally paying off. They CAN change. It is possible. Please don't give up on them, don't let them wear you down. Show them grace and mercy even when they don't deserve it. Even when they are at their worst. Work on your relationship with them, go to therapy, get spiritual guidance, read books about forgiveness, manage your own anger and expectations. Realize this may take a LONG time and commit to be by their side on this journey. Don't keep doing the same things over and over with the same result. Set good examples, change your life and habits if needed, try new things, new therapies, new places, new medications or doctors if need be. Or opt for holistic treatments and therapy. Keep searching for what will resonate with them. Want sobriety so badly for them that it eventually rubs off on them.
They can emerge from the darkness into the light with a tremendous amount of time and support. There is always hope if they are alive. ❤️🙏🏻
* I just want to add that if your child is physically abuse or violent towards you or others then you need to accept that you may not be able to go on this journey with them. If they are so far gone, that helping them is endangering you then self preservation must kick in. Care for yourself, care for the rest of your family. Protect the rest of your family. Love your addicted child from afar and see how you can best support them without being physically in their presence. Go into therapy and learn to do self care. Rebuild your mental health and well being. Sometimes just setting an example or making a radical change in your own life might be what they need to choose a different path. Pray to God for strength and courage to see you through.